Choose Wisely

3-minute read — by Stephen BE, M.A., D.Div.

When do you make your best decisions, when you are calm and clear or when you are emotionally agitated and upset? It’s not a trick question. Being in a calm and clear state seems like the obvious answer. But it is not how most people approach a decision.

The higher the emotional energy present, the greater the need to make a choice. When we are in an emotional state that is highly charged, whether it is with pleasant emotions or unpleasant emotions, we feel more urgency. If we do not take charge of the moment, we feel we must make a choice quickly.

Inner chaos or turmoil demands more immediate action. So we leap to conclusions in order to quell the power of these emotions. Unfortunately, since we are in emotional turmoil, the conclusions we make are often the wrong ones. Sure, the emotional energy has been quieted. Some of us even enjoy the sense of drama that always accompanies this. But the results do not reflect what is true for us. Drama is enjoyable entertainment. It is not a useful lifestyle.

Let’s back up and reconsider the original question. If we understand that we make our best decisions when we are calm and clear inside, then it makes sense that we postpone decision-making, whenever possible, until we can recover our sense of calm. This is known as inner peace, and it is essential for creating a truthful life.

If someone else is goading you to behave in a certain way, a way that suits their needs more than yours, it becomes necessary to delay your answer until you can make it from the best circumstances possible. Their urgency does not warrant your action. Do not let the immediacy and urgency of high emotional energy dictate the course of your life. Simply say, “I need to think about that. I’ll get back to you.” Repeat this response as much as you need, until the other person respects your needs.

There are few situations in life that benefit from immediate, high energy decisions. Drama is only fun for bored people who want entertainment. As much as possible, we want to make our choices so that we stand the best possible chance of them resulting in consequences that we truly want.

To recover our calm when we feel chaos and turmoil, we must remind ourselves of its irreplaceable benefits. Facing the urgency of high emotional states, the first task is to recover our calm. Then we can consider the choices and their implications with clarity. Inner peace results in better choices.

The most helpful tool when faced with emotionally-powered situations, is simply to remind ourselves, “I will not let it destroy my inner peace.” Engaging a skilled therapist to understand why certain situations, events, people, or experiences are more or less emotionally charged will further assist in quieting the inner turmoil which affects decision-making ability, and help to create outcomes which reflect deliberate, truthful actions.