You’re Not the Same People You Were When You Got Married – watch this one minute video with Mary Beth Luedtke.
Relationships change over time, but many couples don’t update the way they relate to match who they’ve become. You’ve lived through experiences that shaped you, and so has your partner. When the relationship still operates around who you both used to be, things can start to feel flat, strained, or distant. In this video, Mary Beth Luedtke explains how this mismatch develops and why couples drift even when everything still looks “fine.”
Growing Apart in Marriage: How Subtle Changes Create Distance
Growing apart in marriage is often subtle. It doesn’t come from dramatic events or a single turning point. It develops through the slow, steady way people evolve over time. Each partner’s world shifts, shaped by responsibilities, personal challenges, successes, and the quiet changes in perspective that accumulate over years of living. Relationships don’t automatically adjust to these internal changes.
When the Relationship Stays Organized Around the Past
Most long-term partnerships were built before either partner had learned the emotional skills needed to stay aware of themselves or communicate their emotional experience clearly. Early roles and expectations formed around who each person believed themselves to be at the time. As people grow, new qualities and priorities emerge, but the relationship often continues to operate around old assumptions. This creates a gap between how the relationship functions and who the people have become.
How This Distance Shows Up
This gap rarely looks like conflict. More often, it shows up as flatness or going through the motions. Couples may still run life well together, manage responsibilities, and keep things stable. Yet something feels out of sync, a distance that’s hard to pinpoint. Many describe the relationship as “fine,” but not engaged.
Recognizing the Drift
Growing apart isn’t a failure. It’s the natural outcome of emotional skills that were never learned, shaping a relationship that didn’t grow at the same pace as the people in it. Emotional skills training helps partners understand how they’ve changed and gives them the capacity to relate in a more connected and meaningful way.
🎥 Watch You’re Not the Same People You Were When You Got Married.
Learn More About Mary Beth
Mary Beth’s approach to therapy is grounded in lived experience, not just theory. Her insights—shaped by real-world challenges like building a career, marriage, and parenting—help clients create meaningful, lasting change.
