Battling Defensiveness – a 1 1/2-minute video with Mary Beth Luedtke
Mary Beth Luedtke dives into the topic of defensiveness and reveals how therapy teaches you the skills you need to turn a battleground into a safe harbor.
What Is Defensiveness in a Relationship?
Defensiveness Creates Barriers
Defensiveness typically manifests as a quick rebuttal, blame-shifting, or minimizing the other person’s concerns. For instance, if one partner expresses feeling neglected, a defensive response might be, “I’ve been really busy; you’re just too demanding.” This reaction, while seemingly protective, actually shuts down communication and exacerbates the underlying issue.
The emotions inviting defensive behavior are often painful, like fear, shame, or insecurity. Fear of rejection or failure can make it feel difficult to acknowledge mistakes or shortcomings. Shame might lead to a desire to protect one’s self-image. Insecurity can invite a person to misinterpret constructive feedback as a personal attack. These perceptions, invited by our emotional experience, are often learned from our caretakers and have been reinforced over time.
Dealing with Defensiveness
At BEing There Counseling, we believe that understanding and addressing these underlying emotions is the first step to changing defensive dynamics. Our approach focuses on teaching emotional skills that help individuals to choose a different response. By learning to recognize and name the emotions that trigger defensiveness, individuals can begin to replace these reactions with more constructive, open communication choices.
Defensiveness doesn’t have to be a permanent fixture in a relationship. With the right tools and new skills, it can become an opportunity for growth and deeper connection. We encourage you to see the challenges in your relationship not as failures but as starting points for building the emotional skills that will strengthen your bond and enhance your life together.
Counseling at BEing There
Address the Defensiveness in Relationships
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Mary Beth Luedtke
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