Why Do Couples Argue Over the Holidays? – a 1 1/2-minute video with Mary Beth Luedtke
Family plans, finances, and holiday expectations—oh my! Mary Beth Luedtke highlights the reasons couples often struggle this time of year.
Common Holiday Stressors for Couples
The holiday season, while full of joy and festivity, can often feel like a pressure cooker for relationships. Here are some of the most common stressors that couples face during this time of year:
1. Financial Pressure
Holiday expenses can add up quickly. Costs for gifts, travel, decorations, and festive events can stretch budgets thin. Couples may find themselves arguing about how much to spend or disagreeing on financial priorities, which can create tension in an already stressful season.
2. Time Management
With work, family gatherings, and social obligations, the holidays can feel like a logistical balancing act. Deciding whose family to visit, how long to stay, and fitting in your own traditions can lead to conflict. A packed schedule often leaves little room for quality time together as a couple.
3. Family Dynamics
Interacting with extended family can reopen old wounds or stir up new conflicts. Differing family traditions, meddling in-laws, or tense sibling relationships can spill over into your partnership, leaving both partners feeling caught in the middle.
4. Unrealistic Expectations
The pressure to create a “perfect holiday” can lead to disappointment and blame when things don’t go as planned. Whether it’s elaborate decorations, idealized family moments, or extravagant meals, one partner’s high expectations can unintentionally stress the other.
5. Imbalanced Responsibilities
Often, one partner takes on the majority of holiday planning—shopping, organizing events, managing schedules—while the other feels left out or disconnected. This misassignment of responsibilities can lead to resentment, disconnect, and arguments.
6. Unresolved Relationship Issues
Existing challenges in a relationship can feel heightened during the holidays. When emotions run high, it’s easy for small disagreements to escalate, making underlying issues harder to ignore.
7. Burnout and Exhaustion
The holiday hustle can leave both partners feeling physically and emotionally drained. Lack of sleep, over-commitment, and the constant pace of events can make patience and empathy harder to maintain.
What You Can Do
Recognizing these stressors is an essential first step. With awareness comes the opportunity to take steps like improving communication, adjusting expectations, and sharing the workload cooperatively to help navigate the season more smoothly.
Simple steps to ease tensions are always a good place to start, but for many couples, it is useful to dig deeper to understand what’s behind the issues that arise. Couples counseling offers valuable tools to enhance connection so you can effectively navigate all aspects of life, including the holidays, as a united front.
Learn More About Mary Beth
Mary Beth’s approach to therapy is grounded in lived experience, not just theory. Her insights—shaped by real-world challenges like building a career, marriage, and parenting—help clients create meaningful, lasting change.
